so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
