I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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