bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
