Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
