My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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