why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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