I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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