I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
