Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize