You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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