Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Houston, we have a squirter
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
