I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
