HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
