Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
