fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
