she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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