Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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