Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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