3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
