There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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