I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
