If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
