I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
barbara walters just said penis...
i love accidental penises.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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