She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
