Duck Duck Cougar?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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