so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
