so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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