i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
