I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
