Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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