Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Terrible idea I love it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
