I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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