How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
