my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
