your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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