Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
