Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you never un-have a 4some
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