If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
