We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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