hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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