Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
