PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
