Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
