Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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