You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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