Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am available for nakedness
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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