We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
