I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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