i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
