Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
