i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
