YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
