You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
