yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
