i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
