just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
