All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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