so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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