So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
