am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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