did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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