someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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