I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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