9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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