what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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