The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
