We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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