Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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