I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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