So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
