well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
