I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
