Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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