I cannot find my penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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