Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
