Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
