Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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