So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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