I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
