i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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