Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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