You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
